I've got an idea in my mind to cheat on my now serious boyfriend, Garret.  He's nice, too nice almost, but he is amazing, and i do hate to say it but, I love him.  I wish i didn't because that would make things so much more easy than they are now.  This is the first REAL relationship that i have been in that has that sort of all consuming, deep, want to see you everyday, fuck you every night sort of love.  now dont get me wrong i have loved before, but not like this. Those were passive loves.  But with garret, i hate it when he doesnt call me or touch me or something, i can barely stand not seeing him for two days at a time.  and the reason i'm going to cheat on him? Fear, basically.  What happens if it doesnt work out? of course it won't, i know this.  I'm too young to think that this thing that i have with an amazing guy will last longer than a few months, maybe a year if i'm lucky, or should i say unlucky?  If this lasts any longer, I'll get my heart broken, and i'm too much of a bitch already.   there are only two ways it can turn out if we dont break up now:

A) I become a big, huge, massive bitch without any real emotions because i got my heart broken and who's to say it wont happen again.  I'll become one of those women on movies that shelter themselves from people for fear of being hurt again.  And i would hate that OR

B) i become some sappy, sad lonely girl who only thinks about things that could have been instead of what i could make of things now.  I would hate that too.

So i  find myself at a paradox.  What to do?????

I think I'll cheat on Garret and get him to break up with me.  Jack is definately willing to mess around with me.And i find Jack intriguing, sexy and he's a big asshole which has always been appealing to me.  The only thing that could go wrong is i'll miss out on the only chance at love i've got.  But i dont believe that there's only one person for everyone do i? and if i do is garret it?

On a completely different note, i found a sweet ass lighter, it's an ice cream cone.